The Importance of Self Love & Compassion as a Mom:
Hey! I’m Domiana, a former pro athlete, two-time bestselling author, and international speaker helping moms shift mindset, heal trauma, and transmute energy to create alignment.
Here’s my divine download for the day:
Self-love and self-compassion are two of the most important, if not the most important, aspects of motherhood.
I want to clear some things up - I get a lot of messages saying things like, “You’re such a great mother...so calm and patient” or “I admire the way you hold it down while your husband is gone. You really inspire me.” and to those messages, I say a huge thank you, but also, just know, I have my moments too! We are all human.
As much as I try my absolute best to be a great mom, there are times where I snap, times where I lose it completely, and there are times when I physically and mentally need space and time away from mom life. And I know that that is true for you too! So I just want you to know that you are not alone. You are not the only one that often feels like they are crumbling while holding up this mountain motherhood keeps piling on you.
In these moments where I feel myself losing my sanity, feeling completely down in the trenches or ready to give up because I can’t achieve this perfect standard I created for myself, the Universe somehow always reminds me, “Domiana, you’re human. Give yourself a break.”
All I can say is - no matter how perfect or imperfect we are as mothers, we deserve to give ourselves love and have compassion towards the sides of ourselves that are, in fact, imperfect.
This leads me to my divine download for the day - self-love and self-compassion are two of the most important, if not the most important, aspects of motherhood.
So, how do we cultivate and practice self-love and compassion in a world that has told us to tear ourselves down, pick ourselves apart, and criticize ourselves because we are imperfect? How do you practice self-love and compassion when you are programmed to turn against yourself when you don’t measure up to an unrealistic, arbitrary standard? How do you learn to dull the voice of your inner critic and extend grace, compassion, and love to yourself just as do to your kids?
Well, these are the questions I’ve been exploring myself lately, and here are 3 of my favorite ways to practice self-love and compassion in my crazy journey through motherhood:
Reconnect with your inner children.
Treat Yourself
Practice Prioritizing Practices & Solitude
Reconnect with your Inner Child
We’ve all been here: we feel like we’re growing older, losing our enjoyment for life, and not having fun like we did when we were kids. Maybe you’ve lost sight of your dreams or those unmet needs growing up come back with a vengeance.
Your inner children desperately want you to resolve any lingering trauma. I describe trauma as an emotionally charged experience usually associated with those lower vibrating emotions like fear, shame, anger, and frustration. And I say your inner “children”, not “child” because you have more than one inner child. At each stage in your life, you’ve been through things that have greatly impacted you...and traumatized you. You have various versions of yourself and many children exist within you. Reconnect with them all.
Sometimes it seems like you are so far removed from the girl you used to be and other times you still feel like that same little 7-year-old girl. Honestly, whenever you’re triggered you act the age you were when you were initially traumatized. Basically, you revert back to that little girl but it’s like you’re trapped inside your body.
It may seem like you have so much healing work to be done or you’ve been stuck in the same place for a hot minute, but I’m here to tell you that it is never too late to reconnect with your inner children.
The truth is: you will always have a cord tethered to your inner children. You will always have some type of relationship with them. So do you want to have a strangulated one or a tender one?
Just as we nurture our own children, we need to learn to nurture the inner children we have deeply silenced and ignored. I encourage you to open the dialogue with your inner children and to invite them to speak up and speak their truths. Let them free!
Here are some ways to reconnect and open dialogue with your inner children:
Journal Prompt to Reconnect:
Think about significant events and milestones in your life. What would you tell the ___ year-old-versions of yourself? What did you need at that age? What did you desperately want someone to tell you at that age?
Example:
I would tell 5-year-old me that it's okay to be seen and heard. You don't have to be a mild-mannered, people-pleasing, obedient child.
I would tell 8-year-old me to rock her gap tooth, complexion, hair, and body shape with confidence and just wait on the glow up.
I'd tell 10-year-old me that I am lovable no matter what others say and do.
I'd tell 17-year-old me to stop seeking external validation and love from men and instead work on loving and accepting yourself.
Write your younger self a letter:
Apologize for the things you did, didn’t do, or didn’t say. Maybe even thank yourself or give thanks for everything that has unfolded in your journey - the good, the bad, the ahhmazing, the ugly.
Look through old pictures:
As you’re looking through old pictures, say loving things to your younger self like, “I love you” or “thank you” or “look how happy you were” or “I’m glad you are you” or “if only you knew what you would become” “I’m learning to love all parts of me” Bonus if you do this in front of the mirror (mirror work is so powerful).
Play:
Make a list of all the things and activities you used to love when you were younger. Then do something off the list. Go out and collect rocks. Go to that adult ballet class.
As you reconnect with your inner children, let your inner artist come out to shine. Your inner poet. Your inner dancer. Your inner truth. Let them meet you head-on in your journey through motherhood and remember, whenever you are triggered to treat yourself with love and compassion because you’re interacting with one of your many inner children.
Treat yourself.
Eat the cake. That coffee. Savor that moment alone or enjoy stuffing your face with popcorn while you let dad put the kids to sleep.
When you love someone, how do you treat them? How do you show them? Well, from my experience, when I love someone, I shower them with loving words, I tell them “I love you” often, and make/buy small thoughtful gifts that show them how much I appreciate them and see them.
So here comes the question, if we can do this for others, why not do the same for ourselves?
Set aside weekly time slots to treat yourself - regardless of whether or not you’ve been a “good” or “bad” mom.
You don’t have to only treat yourself when you’re perfect. You must love yourself fully, 100% of the time, regardless.
Practice Prioritizing Practices & Solitude
Self-care is an overly saturated word that has become very superficial, so I prefer prioritizing practices. So prioritizing practices, solitude, alone time, or peace are ways to show yourself love.
I cannot stress this enough… The power of a good yoga session, a meditation, or just a simple walk in the park (hello solitude!!) can completely raise the vibe, alter our mindsets and help us embody self-love and acceptance.
When you find yourself reaching your limit, stressed, and completely overworked...when you hear your inner critic and inner children roaring: take a step back. Regroup and remind yourself to spend a moment prioritizing yourself or taking time to create peace and solitude.
Now, remember, allowing someone you trust to take care of your kids so that you can take a time out DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOM! In fact, it makes you an ahhmazing mom who knows what she needs, allows herself to receive what she needs, and is resourceful enough to make it happen.
I know how difficult it can be to find time to prioritize yourself or to spend alone when you’re constantly caring for your kids, but it is essential and has to be done.
You are not alone in this. You are worthy of it.
Some of my favorite ways to prioritize myself and create solitude:
A 10-minute grounding meditation
A quick stretch
A yoga flow
A walk out in nature (add stroller and AirPods and it’s a mother’s oasis!)
A good hot bath with essential oils (clary sage is the best for women’s health + hormones)
Breathwork (alone or when my girls are climbing on me or nearby)
Today, let’s affirm and say out loud:
“I am allowed to love myself.”
“Being imperfect is not a weakness.”
“I’m imperfectly perfect!”
I’m proud of you and can’t wait to hear how well these worked for you.
If you want to work with me privately to catapult your spiritual and healing journey, click here to schedule a Clarity Call. I can’t wait to connect with you and help you achieve MASSIVE transformation.
Love you love you,
Domiana
